The Tale of Victoria B.

(Victoria B. by Victoria B.)

There once was a girl named Victoria B. She spent most of her days making sandwiches, and fancy coffee drinks for all the old people in the small quiet town of Newnan. She always dreamed of exploring the wide wondrous world. One day, she was ready for her adventure, and went up to her manager and told him that "work was fo suckas". Victoria's manager, being a retired hustler agreed and let her go on this grand journey. Before she departed, Victoria stopped by her house to ask her loyal companion to join her. Her companion was known as George the Cat. Before we move on with this story everyone should know that George the Cat was a abusive alcoholic who struggles to cope from his past marriage and the constant flashbacks of Nam, George was a loose cannon with nothing to lose. The only reason he manage to have a roof under his head was the agreement that every major holiday, Victoria was aloud to put stupid sweaters on him and upload pictures in the instagram. So Victoria and George began their journey and while walking on the path they came across a strange creatures among their travels she was known as Charlie. Charlie was a cheerful lass. Yup, Charlie was a girl, seriously, who names a girl charlie? #2edgy4me. Well Charlie was a dog, who was in a bit a pickle. She needed some help delivering, "pies", to the majestic small town of Whitesburg. Victoria B. and George the Cat were heading that way and decided to help Charlie deliver the "pies". They were definitely "pies" nothing else, stop asking if they were drugs because they are not, cause they were just "pies", I know I'm putting quotations around them but they are really just "pies" OMGWTFBBQ they are not drugs! So Charlie joined upon this merry adventure and they all made it to the town of Whitesburg. After the "pie" deal was a undercover sting, Charlie decided to drop the "pie" cartel. With nowhere to go, she decided to join Victoria and George on their journey once more. As they went on their journey, they came across an old house. Their sat an old astronaut. As they approached him, they asked him who he was. His name was Comet. Comet, was a filthy raciest, but that is not the point. Comet was an old crusty fellow who dreamed to explore the grand vast emptiness of space. Just like the empty blackness of George's heart, lol. Since comet could no longer go to space, yet had a thirst for adventure, he decided to join them. So they burned his house down to the ground and went on their way. I don't know why they burned down his house, but hey Comet was a crazy old man. So the four friends went on their merry adventure, which led them to the majestic city of Carrollton. Oh, Carrollton was such a majestic place, full of opportunities, dreams, and meth. Pretty sure Carrollton was the number one meth county in the state of Georgia, but don't quote me on that one. As they went through this wondrous city, they stopped at the local tavern for an ale. George has to get club soda with lime, due to his addiction, Comet had to wait outside because he picked a fight with a sad clown painting, and Charlie wasn't aloud in because she was a dog. Inside Victoria and George would meet their final companion. An old woman named Roxy. Roxy was an old woman, and due to her age, had very saggy ears. Instead of putting up her ears, she just let them hang out, and it bothered everyone. So they left the city of Carrollton to head to their stopping point, Franklin. Why you may ask? No one knows, and when I say that I mean we don't know whats in Franklin, just full of cows and dial up internet. Freaking nightmare right? So the five bestest buddies went on their merry way to Franklin. While on the dirt roads that surrounded this land, a traveling bard greeted them. His name was Jerry. He was a happy lad who would sing songs and tales of heroes, romance, and how jet fuel can't melt steel beams (loomynaughty). Jerry the bard wished to join them on their journey. Victoria looks at her companions nodding her head with a gentle smile. The rest of the gang began to smile and nodding their heads. They ate poor Jerry right then and there. He didn't even stand a chance. They used a lime base, with a hint of rosemary, let them marinate for a couple of hours and added a sauteed topper rub. Cooked just right that little Jerry meat fell right off the bone. Is that to dark for this story? So the dream team kept traveling towards Franklin. After many long days on the road, they finally came to their destination of Franklin. They all got a small cottage where they would spend their days harvesting crops for the small town and smoke dat dank kush 420. Comet built rocket ships and had a racial slur jar. Roxy let her ears drag so that was gross, Charlie started a small "pie" trade in the town, and George the Cat had to wear stupid sweaters. I mean they were just so darn cute. Which leaves us to Victoria. She was happy with all of her friends in the small town, yet something was missing from this fantastic place. Deep in her heart she wanted something more than anything in the small town. Something that would bring happiness and peace for many generations to come on this world that brought them all together. They built a pretty good Mexican restaurant in the middle of town that wasn't that bad, so ya they had that going for them. Sus.

The End...Or is it?