To Become

Evening Bell at Mii Temple Ando Hiroshige

I have heard the phrase "don't change for anyone" many times so far in my life. The idea that someone should accept who we are instead of us changing to benefit others. Social media is full of this "you're beautiful the way you are" pictures and videos to help boost your confidence. We all want to feel good and we want them likes on our pictures. We want people to tell us we are beautiful, that our personality is valued, and that we are an overall good person. Do you think you're a good person? We all want validation for our good deeds. We all want to hear the "good job". The main question though is what are we actually doing in our lives and how can we become better as a person?

What can you do to be a better you? Could you eat better? Could you be more kind? Could you be more forgiving? Could you be more empathetic? Could you work harder? Could you find a better discipline? There is a lot we all could work on in ourselves. What is the motivation though to be better? Now I don't want to be the "everyone is getting a participation trophy" rant that people complain about but where is the fine line of wanting to be better yet accepting for who you are as a person? I believe that we, including myself, are setting the bar of ourselves too low. I believe that we are doing the bare minimum for the most part and falling behind on the "you need to accept who I am". I for one am to blame for this as well. I can think of every excuse in the book when someone wants me to better myself in some ways. Its hard to be the better you but we should strive for it. I feel that we struggle for criticism as if it is an attack on who we are and not the behavior we are showing.

Let me give an example. Let say whenever I get mad I curse. To some, no big deal. To other's though, this could be seen as an issue. If that person expresses that I do not need to curse when I am angry, I could snap back expresses that this is who I am and that I should not change. Am I wrong to believe that cursing when I am angry is a part of who I am? Should I change who I am as a person to meet the needs of others? In the case of cursing, I should reframe from cursing around certain people but you can see how them confronting that behavior I could turn into an attack of who I am therefore I can refer to their confrontation wanting me to change who I am as a person.

This is where we have the issues on social media. People want to change but at their own pace and not at the demand of others. That seems fair but are we sure about that? Why don't we change for others? If my wife wanted me to stop cursing when I was angry, should I do that for her? If my supervisor does not like my work ethic, should I change for my supervisor and the company? Is this an attack on character or is this a behavior. A singular action that does not have to be tied into who we are as a person. I believe that is what our biggest issue is in the culture I live in right now. We take corrections so personal, yet we choose to ignore them with the false pretense that this is just who I am and you need to accept that. I feel this is holding us back in moving forward. I believe that if we can genuinely want to change and put forth the effort that we could truly grow as a group of people. I want us to understand that we are more than an occupation, religion, sexuality, race, age, and gender, even though these are very important parts of us. 

I want you to think of you tombstone (kind of depressing) and I want you to think of what it would say? Here lies (insert name) the (insert what you want to be). I want my to read like this

Here Lies Jacob Gunter

The Godly Man

The Loving Husband

The Caring Father

and

The Good Friend

Now before reading forward. Take a second to think of what you would want on your tombstone. I know I have a lot of thoughts thinking of this. I feel that if we base our lives on these words that we as a human race can truly grow and become truly better.  

So that is the question I want to leave off on. How can we become truly better as a person, community, society, and as a human race? I feel that this is a puzzle with a million pieces (with no edges) that I want to solve. I do not believe there is one exact answer but I still want to continue to read into and hear from everyone their take on how to become better overall. Feel free to comment and share to keep this conversation going. I want to continue on this as more theories come up. In the meantime, ask yourself how you can be a better you and not someone else.