Dr. SusLove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Government Surveillance

 

The Scream by Edvard Munch

Just to set the record straight, I have been using the word sus for years. With the rise of Among Us, the word sus has taken to the heart and soul of many zoomers. While on vacation, I would see kids with among us shirts with the word sus on them. I saw on Facebook an ad for among us sus socks. I even have a Gamertag with the word sus and someone asked if I wanted to play among us. I have fallen from grace and almost a decade of using the word sus to be ""funny"" has brought my practical catchphrase to the knees of a gaming meme reference. I am empty and lost. 

Cringy titles aside, I haven't written a blog post in a while. Well, if college doesn't kill me, I hope to write a little more later in 2022. I've had a lot on my mind recently and hopefully, this post will actually be published rather than the 32 other drafts sitting dormant that will never be for your viewing pleasure. I think you, the reader, deserve better than a diary post. I want to share my logic without sounding like a crazy person scribbling a manifesto because anyone with a manifesto in this day and age is probably insane. My magnum opus may come one day but today is not that day. 

So the title of this post is a play-on of 1964, Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb directed by Stanley Kubrick. The comedy plays on the growing conflict between the USA and the USSR. It's a great movie and revolves around paranoia, political power, and most importantly, the atomic bomb. Say, let's talk about the real bomb everyone knew about at that time.

The Bomb

Carroll & Smith Sts. Bklyn. hold a “take cover” drill practice

Like that wooden desk will stop the almighty atomic bomb. To be fair, the atomic bomb couldn't hold a match compared to the Tsar bomb, hydrogen bomb, and nuclear missiles. The constant fear of annihilation struck fear in the hearts of many people. Rumors turn to worries turn to paranoia. All this pent-up fear had to be transferred somewhere. Well if you were Russian, it went towards America and vice versa. The hive mind was created that the other country was out to destroy them and therefore must strike first. Luckily, political leaders kept it fairly cool. Eat your war before it gets cold. I always think of the cold war as two dog's on leashes barking at each other all bark and no bite. This was a good thing of course because the bite would be the downfall of humanity. Little fun fact, too many nuclear explosions would lead to the world becoming unlivable due to the high levels of radiation. Real bummer. The issue came from the economic philosophy that was popular after world war 2, capitalism and communism. Whichever country you lived in decided that the way you live was the very best and the other was a spawn of satan with the main purpose was to destroy everything on earth! Communist or capitalist, I'm not here to lecture you on the economy.  I'm neither here nor there because I don't find interest in these topics. I believe someone should earn their success but do we really need to be charged 40 bucks for skin-to-skin contact with my newborn? Why is it if you made 20,000 dollars a day since the birth of Christ, you still wouldn't be as rich as Jeff Bezos? I don't know, things are weird.

The Red Scare

(The Red Iceberg)

After world war II, many people feared the influence of communism would take over America. The red scare was popular in the 1920s after Lenin wanted everyone to have the same paycheck in Russia. The fear of the bombs and communism brought out the insane fear that Russian spies were living among us. That your fellow neighbor could secretly be trying to dismantle capitalism right before your very eyes. So let's see this written on paper, say you are an average homeowner, working a 9 to 5 job in rural Paris, Texas, and you believe that your next-door neighbor's sole purpose is to bring the downfall of America. That sounds a bit weird, doesn't it? You never know though?! He is looking suspicious. He be looking kinda sus am I right zoomers?! We weren't the crazy ones. We didn't try to spread our sphere of influence to other countries. Well we did try to bring our way of thinking to Vietnam and that blew up in our face but at least we learned from our mistakes right? *checks notes* no wait! 

Conspiracy Theories

(A Birds Aren’t Real billboard in Memphis in July.Credit...Peter McIndoe)

Enough about history lessons. I love a good conspiracy theory. My step-grandfather and I bond a bit on conspiracy theories and he even gave me a copy of The Creature of Jekyll Island, which...mmm...I only scratched the surface on that book. I wouldn't say I am a conspiracy theorist though, I merely dabble with it, only in social situations. I could quit anytime I want. I don't have a problem I swear. I love looking at unsolved mysteries, CIA mishaps, and the classics like MK Ultra. With all these theories I keep a sense of fantasy to them. I do this because a lot of the old conspiracy theories are terrible and reflecting on the horrors of our government can really kill the vibe. Take a break from this and look up agent orange. Spoiler, you're going to feel terrible. Whenever I do fall into these bizarre rabbit holes of conspiracy theories, I tend to binge them like Netflix, learn from them, and move on with whatever carrot on a stick grabs my attention next. Conspiracy theories don't dictate my way of thinking or my everyday life. I don't go out of my way trying to convince people of what conspiracy I read on the internet. They either believe it or they don't. This is why I don't really vibe with flat-earthers, holocaust deniers, school-shooting deniers, climate deniers, MMR vaccine deniers. I feel bad lumping flat-earthers with the other groups. Let the record show that flat-earthers are not to be seen as the others I listed. All these groups are just so adamant and take a lot of time trying to convince others of what they believe. It becomes a part of their identity. I mean sure, you can believe what you want to believe, but it could really hurt people. We have evidence of a lot of this stuff. Now if you don't believe in global warming, you can believe that, but just don't dump on other people. Don't burn tires and hold up a sign that says, "F you Greta!" She doesn't care, Bobby, she won't see this. Why are you so mad at a child? 

I try to keep this mindset that everyone has their good fight. This is the belief that everyone has an issue that is on their heart that they will put forth the effort to improve in some way shape or form. Last year, my friends and I raised money to help fight against human trafficking by playing video games. Yes, this is a flex, I need your approval. Through my experiences, I have seen the rise of human trafficking and I try to stop it in some way shape, or form. I also try to raise awareness and help on the topic of mental illness. Heck, I have even donated money for local guinea pig rescues. I ride or die for those little wheekers. My wife is an advocate for special needs in the education program, my friend is all about mission work, another friend is crazy about helping out at soup kitchens. Take a moment to learn what you are passionate about. Please don't fear the Greta. She just wants to make the world not catch on fire. You don't want the world to catch on fire. Nothing will change in your life. You will wake up and go to bed the same way. No matter what work she does to stop global warming. Remember this sentence as we move forward. 

Too Far

(Protestors, Credit: Goran Tomasevic/Reuters)

Conspiracy theories used to be fun. You read about some bizarre story and you went on with life. The conspiracy theory stayed in the book, online forum, or YouTube video. When I think of the standard conspiracy theorist I think of that one crazy bunker guy from Stranger Things and Alex Jones. I enjoyed Jones's take on turning frogs gay as this was a fun little goof. Then I heard his take on the Sandy Hook massacre and I wasn't a big fan anymore. The problem is that these conspiracy theories left the forums and the books and now I see it on my Facebook, my news, the radio, and at the capital. These conspiracy theories have done a lot of damage. You see, when something terrible happened in my life, I always have that thought run through my head, "this can't be happening." I don't want to believe that what is happening is true and this is where I can go down two paths. I can accept it or deny it. 

I'm not here to bash or convert you to a different political view or mindset. I believe that we see the worst of every political party through the news and our monkey brain assumes that is the status quo of that particular party. Social media also gives everyone a spark of gumption where your actions don't really have any major consequences. Spout off your hot takes and get people angry. I do this all the time. There is a strange unhealthy power to fighting on the internet. It feels like the one ring from Lord of the Rings where you are drawn by its power. In the end, it didn't make me a better person and I don't like trolling on political pages anymore...I troll on video game pages now. We are all husks of the people we once were on the Halo and Smash page at this point.

The fighting over political views can get dangerous offline and in the real world. January 6th was just a dump type of day. People got really hurt and some lost their lives. Beyond that, just hearing about family's being torn apart due to political views is heartbreaking. I may not see eye to eye with some of my family and friends but I still love them and the feeling is mutual. We just get wrapped in our own minds with what we believe and what we worry about that we just begin spouting buzzwords like pulling Woody's string or pushing Buzz Lightyear's buttons. Lol, Buzz word Lightyear. 

And now a buzzword compilation

Do better

We live in a society

We have never been more divided

Check your privilege

This generation is just so sensitive

Snowflakes

No one can take a joke anymore

Follow the science

They hate America

Stop the steal

It's not for your safety it's for control

My body, my choice

No one wants to work anymore

dYe HaIr BlUe

Eat the rich

Woman-hater

Man-hater

This is fascism

This is communism

Contradictions

Spiderman Pointing Meme

Deny all you want, we are full of contradictions. How exactly can the democratic party be so "stupid" but could pull off the biggest voting fraud of the century? How is this generation more sensitive when we get bent out of shape because we have to wear a mask? How do we promote and celebrate other cultures without the backlash of cultural appropriation? How is blocking your social media taking freedom of speech but dictating the company of who they can and can't ban not a violation of freedom? It does feel like we are walking on eggshells at this point no matter who you are. That doesn't mean being a total jerk smashing all the eggs and having this unapologetic attitude and gaslighting everyone saying it's their fault for your terrible behavior. I'm sorry, I'm somewhat projecting at this point. What I want to say before I hit the main point of this post is that we are all human after all. We don't know everything and we can learn from each other. You don't have to agree with everyone but respect can go a long way. If we didn't live in so many absolutes we could make some real progress. As we can see in the Kenobian philosophy, "only sith deal in absolutes" (Kenobi, 2005). 

The Hive Mind

(The Gravemind Concept Art by 343 Industries)

Let's talk about the big bad government. OoOoOo sccaarryyyy. Who is the government? What is the government? Am I the government? The topic of conspiracy theories, the red scare, hiding under our desks from the bombs, and our political views bring us all to this one point. I could say how the spread of misinformation can cause a lot of harm but we have all heard that song and dance at this point. We are going to believe what we want to believe and I promise, that a blog post is not going to bring forth your revelation. I don't know exactly who the government is anymore. I mean I know the president and elected officials but it seems that the government is the boogie man to all our misfortunes. So many people get stressed out believing the government is going to strip their freedoms away because...well, I don't know. We have always had the fear of the government taking over but we needed a catalyst to reinforce this irrational fear. Enter stage left: covid and the vaccine. Covid did a real number on all of us. People lost their lives, jobs, and homes. It brought us to our knees and it gave a lot of people cabin fever. This goes back to my discussion of terrible situations in our lives. We can deny it or accept it. The same year of the pandemic, Trump loses the election, and once again we can deny it or accept it. Finally, we have a vaccine that is being pushed hard to the point of being mandated. We can accept it or deny it. This is where the problem lies. If you begin denying all the terrible outcomes, you begin to grasp any theory that fits your narrative. In this case, you point at an imaginary bad guy, the government.

"The government" is not the elected officials but the imaginary hive mind that has one purpose, to control you. How will they do this? Chipping your arm with the vaccine so they know your every movement. They will decide where you go, who you interact with, but most importantly stop all your freedoms. Why? I don't know. Uh..maybe they are *check notes* hmmm evil? They are evil? Oh, I got it! They are a Luciferian, baby-eating, satanic, pedophile, cabal cult. Satanists wear masks and stay 6 feet apart so that is the only logical belief. This is definitely not biased, the Facebook man would not lie to me. The vaccine will turn me gay or something. If you don't like it I am going to panic and instead of a rebuttal I will call you a sheep and disregard anything you say. The vaccine isn't even FDA-approved. Oh, wait it got approved? Well, I don't trust the FDA now so I can stay nice and safe in my little belief bubble where the government won't hurt me and my free-thinking freedom brain.

Occam's Razor

(William of Ockham depicted on a stained glass window at a church)

My usual go-to on this topic has been Occam's razor. A wonderfully simple philosophy that suggests that out of two explanations, the simpler of the two is usually the correct answer. Let's say I'm running late to work and I can't find my keys. I thought I put them on the table. Did I misplace them or did my cats in the middle of the night take them off the table and hid them because they didn't want me to leave for work? We know the answer. Now let's put this to the topic at hand. Is the government hive mind creating the global pandemic to control us and take our freedoms away by giving us a vaccine? We still haven't solved why the government wants to control us. I mean, during the pandemic, the government gave a lot of people stimulus checks and many government jobs were still being paid for even when people had to stay home. The government wants us to be back to normal so we can keep producing that capitalist way baby! The pandemic is bad for business so why exactly would they want us staying home. If you believe Joe Biden is incompetent, how exactly would he hide some satanic cult? I feel like if I haven't convinced you enough yet about this perhaps we can have fun with math!

Gunter's Logic

(Dr. Strangelove)

Hey, that's the name of the blog! Right, let's say we are being spied on and tracked by the government. Currently, there are 334,024,770 Americans. We are going to assume that they are all being tracked through the vaccine, phone, and surveillance. Now the FBI and CIA have a total of 56,575 employees combined. If every employee at the FBI and CIA had to monitor every American, each employee would be assigned 5,905 people to monitor in America. If one employee worked a full 24-hour shift, they would have to look at each person for 0.24 seconds. If they worked a 40 hour work week, they get 0.4 of a second to monitor each person they are assigned. 

Now let's say somehow someway we are being monitored by the government hivemind. What makes you think you are that special to be monitored. Wow, ouch Jake, that was kind of mean. You are very special to many people, maybe just not to the shadow government hivemind. I could see my FBI agent turning their report on me. Jacob Gunter: Went to work, went to internship, ate dinner with the wife, played video games, played with pets, went to bed. Riveting stuff. Do you seriously believe that you are a national threat in any way shape or form? That's a good thing by the way. No one wants to silence you for spreading the "truth." This brings me to another contradiction, the government is beyond obsessed to monitor and control your every freedom but you believe they don't care about you. If the government is monitoring us or not, you wake up and go to bed the same way. Nothing changes and nothing happens. With taking this perceptive into consideration, what would Occam's razor say about the vaccine? Us having more freedom to go back to normal is good for the government as businesses will be booming again. I also want to throw out the argument of the vaccine being linked to the mark of the beast. First, Christians will be raptured before the tribulation, no Christian will accept the mark of the beast, and the vaccine allows people to return to church with attendance skyrocketing in 2021. Satan's plan was to give us the vaccine so we could go back to church???

Take a Break

I think it's time for all of us to take a break from all these current events. It just kills the vibe and makes all of us feel bad. Bad news brings in a lot of views that can make people angry, anxious, or both. I'm tired of worrying about imaginary situations about civil war, world war III, internment camps, the next covid variant, government surveillance, and whatever new hot topic is out there. If all those things are happening or not what could I actually do about it? VoTe!! Yes, yes, we all know the drill at this point. For the time being, maybe we should take a break from all of this. I don't want my political views to be my identity. I want my grave to say I was a good son, a good husband, a good father, and a good friend. You and I are more than just our politics. For 2022, maybe it's time for us to pick up new hobbies and discipline. I'm not saying go out of the way but maybe you can spend more time with friends, pick up a new book, get into cooking, check out Book of Boba Fett, or journal. Pick up a new sport. I have recently been learning more about fencing. It's overwhelming, but I'm having a lot of fun swinging my car antenna of a sword around and learning the footwork. Maybe get into painting, get a punching bag, join a non-political Facebook group, except for the Halo and Smash bros. group, they're horrible. Get really into a time period like WWII or ancient Rome, two really terrible times in history. Just go out and live your life. If you waste your time doing something you like then it's not time wasted.

Take a break everyone, that's an order. I'm the government remember? Something something cabal. No, but seriously, take a break. Don't cold turkey completely but maybe just limit it. Just while you're drinking morning coffee or driving to work. If you replace the high level of political content with a new hobby or discipline, you will be happier overall. So let's tuck away Tucker Carlson, Hasan Piker, Alex Jones, Ethan Klein, Joe Rogan, CNN, Fox and Friends, MSNBC, OAN, Daily Show, Steven Crowder, Weather Channel, and NPR. Well, maybe not NPR, they had a great piece with the caterpillar zoologist discussing the many aspects of caterpillars. That's the news we deserve.