Centipede

Peruvian Centipede by Jude Labuszewski

Why am I here at this party? The battery on my phone is dying and I should leave. I came for him and him only. He's got too drunk again as he always does. I wish we could just go to bed and be done for the night. He keeps talking to those other girls. Don't get jealous, don't get jealous, get yourself together don't get jealous. He wants me. What would his girlfriend think? Take a deep breath. His girlfriend treats him wrong. He's sleeping with you. She's cruel. He cheats.

So what if I am sleeping with him and he has a girlfriend. He just gets me like no one else does. We met in high school, went to the same college, and really hit it off. I mean he never did leave his high school sweetheart but he is only trying to keep a good face for his town. He was like the hometown hero. All the girls adored him and honestly I think I love him. No, you don't. Yes, I do. He was quite charming when we met. We were so far away from home and his girlfriend was 2 years younger than him so he went to college while she stayed back. I remember going to your stereotypical college parties. He was such a sweet guy. I mean he didn't sweep me off my feet or anything. We just became friends and one thing led to another. He's using you. He's cheating on you. What makes you think he is only with you? I need to ignore the voices in my head even though they make good points. I argue with myself a lot in my head. I contradict myself. I remember our first time. I was new to all of it and I was somewhat scared but we both were drunk so it really got the nerves out of the way. He felt bad because I think he wanted our first time to be more special. That's what I love about him. He really cares for me. He felt bad cause he cheated not because it wasn't special. That was 6 years ago though. I mean he is a good friend too. After every bad relationship I had, he was there for me. Anytime his girlfriend would fight with him I was there for him. We were there for each other when our glass was empty at the bar. When his glass was empty. I know people think I am just a mistress but what we have something more than that. He says he loves me. He doesn't. He says one day we will be together. He's lying. He says we will have a life together. Just to keep you close by. He does only come around when I try to date other guys. That's why I know he really cares. I think it's sweet when he gets jealous like that. That is a control tactic. It's not his fault! His girlfriend is such a b**** to him. She never understands him and treats him the way I do. All she cares about is being the queen of our little town in the middle of nowhere. She didn't even go to college. How can he even stay with someone so uneducated? He will leave her one day I just know it. I'm in love with him. I can definitely see my life with him. I want to be there when he finally dumps her. He won't. Yes, he will. I just know it and I can't wait to see it on her face. All the wrong she did to him and me all these years will finally come back to her. She deserves that kind of karma. What does he deserve? What do you deserve? I deserve to be with some that care about me like he does. You deserve better. 

I want to go home with him tonight. This party is boring and I feel that we are getting too old for this. He keeps talking to his friends about something secret. I know they know about him and me. They think we are great together. They think he is great for sleeping with multiple women. He keeps pointing at his finger. His ring finger. What does that mean? I lean over to them. He gets quiet. He's hiding something. He is hiding you. Could he be talking about a possible proposal? Could this really be happening? Could this really be coming true? He's going to ask me to marry him! Maybe he will do it in front of his girlfriend! That will show her that she can't get away with how she treats him. He won't do that to you or her. One of his friends asks if he will move back when they get married? He shuts him off and glances at me. He can see me smiling. He quickly changes the topic. He looks like he wants to leave. He looks nervous 

I stand up and walk over to him and tell him I want to leave. He tells me that I can leave whenever. I tell him I want to leave with him but he tells me not tonight. He said I could wait up for him later in case he needs a ride but not to wait upon him. I grab his arm and pull him outside. "I know you were talking about a proposal to them", I said with a grin on my face. He lights a cigarette, "Catherine I wanted to talk about something". He's about to tell me something good. He's going to tell you something bad. He told me that he was going to propose to his girlfriend and that we needed to stop seeing each other. He's lying. No, he's not. Yes, he is! No, he's not. I slap him as I begin to cry. "Why would you do this to me" as I try and slap him again. He grabs my arm. He doesn't try to hurt me because he's not the abusive type, he is a gentleman in that way. What am I doing? I pull back and just start crying more. He takes another puff of his cigarette. The warm tears feel good from the cold outside. He apologizes to me and hugs me. I take his warm embrace. He just told you that he is going to propose to his girlfriend. At that moment I pushed all the negatives and took just him with me at this moment. He came to his senses that night. It was probably just the alcohol. I know he really wasn't going to propose to her. He told me that I am his only love. He is only trying to sleep with you again.

He went home with me that night. We made love again. There was no love for him. He was drunk and you were a bed. Nothing more. I laid next to him. He was passed out. I began to look through his pants pocket to find his phone. Another goodnight text to his girlfriend. I wish I got these texts from him. I didn't want to read any other texts because I respected his privacy. I did go through his screenshots. I saw the rings he picked out for me. His girlfriend. The voice in my head was right. These aren't for me. To him, I was nothing but his mistress. Would we really end when he is married? No. I need to move on. I need to take a deep breath. I am getting light headed. Actually, I don't feel so good. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. Maybe I went to hard last night at the party. You didn't drink. Last night was stressful. My nerves just got the best of me again as always. It's not nerves. I splashed water on my face. Laid back in bed as I watched him sleep. I will always be with him. Through thick and thin. I will always love him. Till death do us part.