Relationship Status

(Royal Splendour by Sophia Baddeley)

Other titles for this post was going to be "All the Single Ladies", "This One's for the Girls", "Love: Whats up with that", and "(Insert some generic title that will falsely advertise this as something other than what you are writing about, such as some good absurd title like, "why I don't love my wife" followed by your post discussing about some scripture, which no one would read unless you had some edgy click bait title here)". 

Since I was a little boy I knew I would have to experience many challenges in my life that everyone would experience at one point. Making friends, losing friends, having feelings, having a crush, drivers licenses, graduating school, going to college, finding yourself, make mistakes, make more friends, get a college degree, get a successful job, and then what? I guess maybe it is time to start a family. Believe me I'm in no rush or anything  like that, but I will have to be honest and admit that I feel a bit pressured. Every time I go to my Facebook I see one by one another one of my friends getting engaged, married, and/or pregnant with hundreds of likes. Before anyone rips my face off, let me just say that I have no problem with anyone getting engaged, married, or starting a family. I really do love seeing my friends find their one, and that is really nice. I guess at my age of being 24, this is the time where you begin to start making your own little family, and I just want to make it very clear that it is perfectly okay. I guess everyday when I would see all of these posts, that I would just wonder to myself that infamous question. When is it mine turn? The pressure is on me, and I feel that if I don't post my engagement photo that I will just die alone. It sounds crazy doesn't it? I have really been thinking about this topic so much lately that the biggest question I have is why? Why do I need to find the one right now anyways? No one told me that I had to, but everyone wants to find that special one, but honestly, I feel that I should not be happy because I'm single. With that being said, I know that marriage could be viewed as "the end", which I never really comprehend. I know that this is a very big commitment, but if someone feels that their life is over by marriage than why did you even marry in the first place. 

I guess due to my religious and cultural belief, I feel that I am torn between what type of relationship I should have in my life. The world's view expresses that being single is considered an image of freedom. Where the person may have multiple partners, and that once married, your freedom is taken away due to the focus being for your husband or wife. The church's view is on the opposite spectrum where if not married, that you are destined to not live out God's calling, and that you cannot live a happy successful life when you are single. I don't think neither of these are true, and to clear somethings up, this is just my opinion and that this is my view of the world and the church (not Christianity). I mean have you ever walked into a church before and you just see all the little old couples in the lobby, and they are just so cute and happy. Who wouldn't want to have that type of life? One time I went to a church and an old couple asked me if I was in any form of relationship. I told them that I was single, which led to them grabbing my hand and telling me that I need to be strong and that I would get through this. I told them I was single, not that I was HIV positive, and I think that is the problem with the relationship status. The constant bipolar view of being in a relationship and marriage. 

I think the main focus that we would need from all of this could be found in 1 Corinthians 7:7-9

7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

So what is this verse trying to say? Verse seven really dives into how each person has their own gift from God. One of these gifts is celibacy, and I interpret that he is saying that some may have this gift as other may not. What verses eight and nine are trying to say is that it is perfectly fine to be single, unless you cannot control yourself. Now what could this verse mean by "cannot control themselves". In other translations of this verse, they use the word "passion". As human beings, it is perfectly normal to have sexual thoughts for the person that you have an attraction for. It is not a sin to have the want to engage with someone that you like, unless you want to engage with someone and you are married as the verse on lust states. With that being said, engaging in those thoughts outside of a marriage is sin. What this verse is really trying to say is that if you cannot control your (perfectly natural) urges to engage in sexual activities with someone, then marry that person. Now I know someone will ask, "but Jacob, what if I'm not ready to marry her or him?", well, maybe you should rethink on why you would be willing to engage with her or him, but not make that commitment to marriage. I don't want to discuss my view on the psychology of sex due to me having an entire post on that topic at a later date.What I am really trying to get across with these verses is that it is good to be single if we can maintain our passions, which I think people fail to acknowledge.

So with this verse being taken back with my issue between the world's view and church's view of relationships, I think that a lot of issues are brought up when going to one side of the spectrum to the other. If you follow the world's view, I feel that having so many partners could lead to when marrying, a person could long for the old "free" life they had where they could engage with multiple partners yet not have to have the aftermath with that person. Even if someone is in a relationship, but not married, there is still the barrier of not having the full commitment. Why would you want to marry someone if you were already lived with the person and would do everything you did before and after the marriage. Would the only difference be that there would be a ring, changing your last name, and just a more difficult process to break up after(divorce)? Does that much commitment seem too overwhelming that you will live with someone but not marry them? Now before I go any further, this is my opinion, and being in the culture I am from, this whole living with someone, but not marrying is hard to process. If anyone has lived in that lifestyle, I would love to hear your perspective on that topic.

Now from the view of the church. I have in many times, felt that if I was not with someone, I was suppose to not be happy. Being in the church, I felt that I had to find someone, who could eventually become my wife. I feel like having that type of thought process, I shot myself in the foot when dating. I feel that I would either date someone that was clearly not good for me, or if I did find someone that was perfect for me, I would rush the relationship with the focus being that I need to be engaged and married. With me going too fast, I have missed out on so many possibilities. I focused so far on having a wife, that I failed to enjoy having a girlfriend. I'm not blaming the church on my mistakes, but I will admit that the pressure is on when single. I think that rushing to marry defeats the God's whole purpose for two people to get married. 

The biggest solution to all of this is focusing on the here and now. I feel that expressing that you have to live out the world's view or the church's view to have a happy life is hoax. I've seen so many miserable and joyous people both married and single. I don't think someone's success and happiness should be based on their relationship status, but the accomplishments that they have done throughout their lives. Like I have said before, there is nothing wrong with being single or in a relationship, and accepting that your type of relationship status is not the overall way to find happiness. If you want to know my personal thoughts on my own status, well here you go. 

As of this moment, I feel that I need to in fact be single. I have rushed so many relationships that I need to step back and get a breath before re-entering into a relationship status. I feel that I will find a better, happier, and more fulfilling life if I just remain single for sometime. I know this isn't forever, and I know that the next woman I meet, will be someone to date, and from there, I will see my girlfriend as just my girlfriend, and if one day I want to spend my life with her, you guessed it, I will toss her into Kona volcano to praise James Dole king of the pineapple! Sorry, I will propose to her, and I too will get to post my generic engagement status on Facebook, and have that wedding with the mason jars in some barn (I hope not). 

Sorry for such a long post, and there is so much more I want to talk about on this topic. Be sure to shoot me a message and maybe we can meet up and discuss more about personal views on relationships. I am always open to hear different perspectives and opinions. As always this is just my opinion, and I hope no one takes this post as an offense. 

Thanks for reading!