Dear Elizabeth pt. 5

(Portrait of a Young Woman by Kees Van Dongen)

September 24th 2010
Dear Elizabeth,

I know we promised not to communicate after what happen in France, but I feel that I need to write this letter to you. I can't forgive myself of what we did when I came to France. I guess we just had a little to much to drink didn't we? I want you to understand that I did not mean for anything to happen the way it did. My plan was to just go out for some dinner and then I would go back to my hotel and you would go back to your home. Never was it my plan to have you at my hotel that night and then you leaving the next morning before I woke up. Thanks I guess for writing me that little note before you left. No I love you, I had a nice evening, just, "This never happened". I mean, I understand that we are both married and that this was completely wrong, but all I have in the morning is three words. This never happened, this never happened, this never happened. Well Elizabeth, it did happen! I was so scared that this would happened. Cindy told me that she trusted me and that I would never cheat on her and I did. I can't sleep, Elizabeth. I just hold my wife and when I fall asleep I think it is you, and when I realize that your not here I cannot sleep. I keep replaying that night in Paris. How one thing led to another so fast. I don't think of what happened, but falling asleep next to you. Just to wake up to an empty bed with a note. Were you even there? Did this even happened? Why did Cindy trust me so much? She doesn't know yet, but she can tell that I have something on my mind. Have you told Samuel yet? I will sometime go to my parents house and to church with them and your parents haven't said anything about you, other than that you are doing fine. I know I am a terrible person for what happened to us in Paris, but I think I am really worried, because I don't feel any guilt for actually being with you that night. Your smile when we had dinner gave me the same feeling when I met you in the nursery. Maybe deep down, I wanted what happened to actually happen. I think deep down you wanted that night to happen too. Maybe I'm going to hell for this, but I'm not sorry, and for this to happen I want to say what is on my mind all this time. Come to me Elizabeth. I am successful now, and I could provide for you. I love Cindy, but I just can't live without you. Samuel will be in France and would understand to let you go if he really loves you. So I guess this was a proposition. I will give you till the end of this year for a response, but starting January first, I will stay with Cindy, and you will stay with Samuel and I will accept what you wrote me the next morning.

This Never Happened,
Ben  

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