Dear Elizabeth pt. 9

-
(Maria by Kees Van Dongen)

August 20th 2014
Dear Elizabeth,

Well this is the final letter Elizabeth. Never heard from you, so I guess you don't want me to meet Sophie. I just hope that she is doing okay. I'm sorry. This letter is the last resort to save my marriage.I think that it is time for me to get out of this fantasy that you and I will be together. It has been fifteen years since I lost you and I just don't think I ever really knew how to accept it. I just hope you and Sophie are doing good in France. I'm sorry. I know I'm not going to send this letter like all the other letters I have wrote to you. I know Sophie doesn't exist. I know that you never married Samuel. I know you never went to France. I know you never went to college. I know the truth Elizabeth. I know that bitter truth. That bitter truth that you took your life the summer before college. You just had so much in your life. You had a good family, full rides to colleges, and me, who loved you so much. I wish I knew what was wrong. I couldn't accept that you were gone forever. I painted that painting of you to remember you. I know your parents blamed me, and that was why they left the church. The therapist  all those years ago just wanted me to role play writing letters, and I took it too far making a full story that we couldn't be together. I couldn't take responsibility for losing you, so I made this entire story that you ran away to France met a good man, and had our daughter that we always talked about when we were young. I know it was all fake. I know my mind was fighting to break this delusion. I know I put that note next to me in that hotel room. The note read "this never happened", not because you didn't want people to know, but to help me realize that you weren't in France. I understood why Cindy didn't believe me, because she knew that you were dead. She knew that I wasn't sleeping and claiming that we had a child together, she knew it was because her and I couldn't have a baby, so I made some fake story that I was a father with to your child. Why am I even still talking to you? You're not here Elizabeth. You left me. I was only eighteen and you were only sixteen. What was so bad that you had to commit suicide. Did you ever think that you would destroy my life for over a decade? I loved you so much Elizabeth and I wanted to marry you, I wanted to have children with you, I wanted to grow old with you. Why couldn't you seek help? I won't let my delusions ruin my marriage with Cindy. She made a promise that if I could write this letter, that we could look into adoption. I could be a father to someone. I could actually be a real father. No more Elizabeth. I have been delusional for too long, and I can finally accept that you are gone. So I guess this is the last letter to you. I couldn't live this type of life anymore. I was living a complete lie. I created this completely fictional reality that never existed. I love you Elizabeth, but I think this is the time in my life where I finally let you go for good. I'm ready to live the life I know you wanted me to live. 

Goodbye,
Ben  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Willy Wonka and the Seven Deadly Sins

-
Image
Everyone is familiar with the timeless classic Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The book of the underdog boy, who struggled with poverty, receives the chance of a life time, explores the magnificent Willy Wonka Chocolate factory, and at the end inherits the chocolate factory. The main characters consist of Charlie Bucket the protagonist of the story. Veruca Salt, the spoiled brat that can never be truly satisfied. Violet Beauregarde, the girl that can break records and always has to be the center of attention. Mike Teavee, the boy who is obsessed with TV, who always sits on the couch, and has never eaten at the dinner table. Augustus Gloop a fat child who doesn’t stop eating. Finally the infamous Willy Wonka, the owner of the chocolate factory. With this classic children’s book, there has been theories showing that the main cast members represent the seven deadly sins, glut
Read more

My Analysis on 13 Reasons Why pt.1

-
Image
Disclaimer: This post is going to contain spoilers to the show. I suggest finish the show before reading this or if you don't have any interest in watching the show than welcome?...I guess. My facebook has been blowing up with all the people talking about the new show to hit Netflix know as 13 Reasons Why , a story about a boy named Clay Jensen finding cassette tapes from a girl at his high school named Hannah Baker who recently killed herself. On the tapes, Hannah gives 13 reasons why she committed suicide. The show depicts heavy topics such as suicide, bullying, stalking, lying, sexual assault, and other issues that young people deal with in this age. Now I will admit that this show was difficult to get through. I would constantly yell at the television due to the frustration I would have for some of the characters and dialogue in the show. This blog post is going to be me breaking down parts of the show and how I felt about character development, story, and the messag
Read more

Dear Elizabeth

-
Image
(Corn Poppy Kees Van Dongen) June 12th 2002 Dear Elizabeth, How have you been recently? I know it has been a while since I last talked to you. I can't believe it has really been almost three years since I saw you! I know we really didn't end on the best terms, but I am writing this letter to really catch up with you, because I still miss you as a friend and nothing more. I heard you moved to France a couple of months back. Mom told me that your parents are starting to come back to church and we found out through them. Just to make it clear, they were just informing us in passing, I wasn't trying to be a creep and asking about you or anything in that nature. I am glad your parents don't seem to hate me like they did before. They miss you a lot and hope you would find a college back in the states. I am doing okay in case you were wondering. I am still an art major in college and I should be finishing up by next fall. I heard five years is the new four years a
Read more