Dear Elizabeth pt. 6

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(La Parisienne by Kees Van Dongem)

August 18th 2011
Dear Elizabeth,

I'm writing this letter to you to let you know that I admitted everything to Cindy. It has been a year since we met in France and I just couldn't continue to live my life hiding these feelings from my wife. I love her and I know that I could not continue to let this happen. So I told my wife about the affair. I think she really loves me with how she responded to me. She was not angry, but worried. She knows how upset I was about the whole situation and for that I think she is okay with the whole situation happening. She understood that I was once deeply in love with you and I guess she knew that, and that it was okay. She asked me if I still loved you more than her. I had to be honest with her Elizabeth. I told her no. I don't love you anymore. I waited for you to write me last year and I still have not received a letter from you. I knew you still wanted to live in France and be with Samuel. I think I just feel used by you. I was just an old fling that you wanted one more night with before just cutting all ties with me again. You were everything to me and that I feel embarrassed that I could just let you put my marriage in jeopardy so you can have some fun with me. I really hope you can feel some guilt for what happened a year again. I haven't been to my parents church, but they haven't called to tell me that you and Samuel divorced, so I guess you either didn't tell him, or you are working on forgiveness. I think that is what I will have to work on. Cindy already forgave me for what I did, but I think I need to forgive you for that night. I know it took both of us to do the things we did, but I guess we had different outcomes from that night. I just never thought that this would be what we ended up. I thought I would marry you and have a little house together in our hometown. You had to run away from my life, our life. You didn't even say goodbye. Cindy suggested that we go to therapy, and that she still wants to make this marriage work. I think for the first time I want to make this marriage work too. I still love you, but I know you will never come back. I know you will stay in France with Samuel, and that we never will see each other again. I kept that note as a reminder of how awful you treated me. Maybe you were right Elizabeth, this never happened.

Take Care,
Ben 



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