Dear Elizabeth pt. 8

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(Tamara the painter's muse by Kees Van Dongen)

May 14th 2013
Dear Elizabeth,

I am writing this because I know Sophie is turning two this month. I just want you to know I wanted to wish her a happy birthday. I know you can't tell her, but at least you will know. Cindy and I have been going to marriage counseling for over a year now, and I think things are really looking up. It's kinda funny, because this is the therapist we both had over ten years ago. Cindy was pretty upset when I told her about Sophie. She was enraged at first, but her anger turned to pity towards me. She keeps asking me if I really thought that she was my daughter. I don't think she believes me that I have a daughter. I think she is just in denial, she doesn't want to accept that I have a daughter, but her and I don't. She wants a child really bad. We try to have one, but due to medical reasons, I don't think we will be able to have children. Another reason why I was writing this letter was maybe Sophie could come visit us sometime over the summer in the states. I think it would be nice if we could be a part of our life. I know Cindy would love her as one of her own, and that she would have a really fun time meeting my parents and also see your parents again. I'm just tired of feeling like I pushed you and Sophie away, and even though she was conceived unexpected, but that doesn't mean she deserves anything less than the good life and I know she is having it with Samuel and you, but I would do anything to watch her grow up into a woman. Cindy has recently gave me a ultimatum. Her and I having going to a lot of therapy together, and she made a proposition and the therapist believed that this would be a good thing to maintain our marriage. Cindy believes that these letters have been the main reason for all the issues with our marriage, and that the letters won't let me move on, making be believe something that isn't true. That I can actually have you. Cindy said if you would want to bring Sophie, that we can call or email to figure something out, but I can only write you one more letter, or Cindy will leave me. I'm scared Elizabeth. I feel that these letters are the only thread that keeps me close to you, but I am a husband, and I love Cindy enough to break these letters. Cindy and our therapist will read the final letter to see if I have made improvements in moving on. I know this isn't fair, but I am willing to let you go. For Cindy, for you, and for Sophie.

I'll write you soon,
Ben   

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